Sunday, 25 October 2009

The Nightmare Week

For the past one week, school was as bad as I thought. Nothing went smoothly! Not only my holiday mood isn't over yet, my tiredness is becoming an endless problem, increasing and accumulating non-stop.

On top of that, a series of unfortunate events happened. There were some modules that I couldn't comprehend at all! Like AutoCAD, and heading to the workshop fabricating my product, they never once go easy on me!

I was humiliated but I continued to bear with all these crap. I always tell myself that in order to survive in this society, you got to listen and learn at the same time, but most importantly is to be able to endure first. Having said so, I'm still a human with feelings. I may be tolerating but in fact deep inside me I don't feel good at all, I felt so pathetic and realising that I'm no doubt a very slow learner...

Questioning myself, am I qualified to compete with the others? Am I fit to pursue my dreams? Am I ready for the future?!

Just as I thought, my nightmare isn't over yet. Telling me to introduce myself, speaking in front of the whole class is akin telling me to embarrass myself indirectly! This particular module OC (Oral Communication) is killing me! I can't even speak properly in front of my friends! That's the kind of feeling I would never want it to appear again in my whole damn life! Why can't they just let me have a peaceful school life?

Presentation is my ultimate phobia, but how do I cure it? Whenever it happens, I felt so nervous and started to tremble, then the urge to vomit follows. It totally ruined my mood for the whole day!

During lunch hour, I bought Nasi Lemak takeaway but they gave me chopsticks only! Desperately, I finished it without a spoon...

You see how I end up?

More or less it's my confidence level that's staying pit-low. The moment I overcome this barrier, it will be the time I go all out.

Sunday, 18 October 2009

Fear, Phobia, Hatred

sick...Sick...SICK and tired of this feeling!

All I can see is black and white...

I rather they don't give me holidays from the start and now "snatching" it back again! Haiz...

As a student, I know it's kinda inappropriate to think like this. What we have to do is fixed from the start, we just have to get used to it. Including me. :(

We were told that there's no such thing as free lunch in this world, that's why we need to study as hard as possible (which everyone wants to see), so that our future will be "secured" and "brightly lit". Yeah, for our own good.

Anyway, for my case I think there will be quite a number of uncertainties starting from tomorrow. Who will I meet during GEM class? What will be some of my new teachers be like? Are the new modules even worse than the previous ones? Can I pull myself up from holiday mood and back to study mood? And it goes on and on...

However, there's one thing for sure which I couldn't escape at all - Oral Communication. In short it's called OC, basically it's a module that focus on formal presentation. I barely survived during my first semester presentation and now, something even worse is heading my way.

I feared presentations as much as I feared falling off a 100-storeys high building, and seriously I don't know how to curb this fear at all...

Sunday, 4 October 2009









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