‘屎nior’ 和 ‘煮nior’

Senior 不叫 Senior ，是叫 ‘屎nior’ 。

顾名思义，是只经验老道的 ‘老鸟’ 像坨屎没什么用似地存在着。他所 “占领” 的便利以及福利是理所当然，那都是因为他身边有一群 ‘煮nior’ 。

Junior 不叫 Junior ，是叫 ‘煮nior’ 。顾名思义，是才刚踏入这块 “领域” 不久的完全 ‘新鸟’ ，任人摆布，任 ‘屎nior’ “烤煮” 。

大家都了解这整个 “系统” 的运作方式、这过程是必须经历的，也明白 ‘先苦后甜’ 这个道理。有 ‘新鸟’ 才能有 ‘老鸟’ ，所以凡事都要适可而止，某个程度上的尊重是必要的。但虽说如此，很多时候单是态度的问题就已经足够在 ‘死亡笔记’ 填上他他他的名字。只可惜。。。想想就好。

现在回想起来，其实小的时候就已经成为别人的 Senior 了。当时，还在上小学五年级。一年级的学生第一次没有父母的陪伴踏进食堂，手里拿着可爱的小钱包，不知所措。我们的责任就是要教导他们如何买食物、算钱，以及确保他们安然无恙，一直到他们对这里感到比较自在，并且能够独当一面。短短的几天，却是难忘的接触。

不知记忆力当时的那个小朋友现在怎么样了？

错过每一刻

怎么一直有种每一分每一秒都好像在错过些什么的感觉？

是因为迷失了吗？还是在妒忌，自己所错过的，别人却得到所有？眼睁睁看着别人的好，很不是滋味地痛在自身的心里。

恨啊，少了钱，错过的是很多想要的东西却买不起，或者想去的地方却去不起。真的，到底在干嘛？

很快地，一天又一天过去，错过的时光，无法倒流。放下悔恨，把过去给忘了，并且活在当下？谈何容易。即使费尽心思去分心、去自我麻醉，都徒劳无功。这说明了， ‘过去’ 就像烙印一般不易磨灭地深刻在心灵上，依然牵动着每一刻。

如果能改写后悔的过去，如果能重来美好的回忆，那该有多好啊。。。

永不止步

我深信只要不停下脚步，不停地迈向正确的道路前行，不管走得多慢都没有关系。

因为最终，还是能抵达终点。

但 ‘现实’ 总有办法阻碍这条道路。我，实在太天真了。生命不可能永恒，所以人生就成了一场残酷的淘汰赛。比别人慢一步？就等着吃亏，准备落在后头吧。对 “你。被。淘。汰。了” 并不陌生，它的可怕是多么地刻骨铭心。

那么为何还要继续？

因为坚持啊。永不止步，都是因为坚持。坚持实现梦想，对一个人来说已经是足够的力量让他走下去。那时，他无法被淘汰了，因为在跟自己赛跑的人，正是自己。

成功只属于那些在任何情况下，内心坚定不移的人们。

摆脱困境，跳出框框

人要做事，才不会枉费生命，浪费光阴。

但当你拼命地不停做事，劳心劳累为了就是摆脱困境，却始终摆脱不了，这天理何在？多多少少也该有应得的回报不是吗？

生命是如此的脆弱，人生也只有那么一次，问题是到底来不来得及梦想成真呢？

想要跳出这该死的框框？最简单，最直接的方法 - 努力。但往往这些 ‘努力’ ，是别人的 ‘奴隶’ ，即使不断地付出，也未必能得到 ‘同等级’ 的回报。

“人要拿得起，也要放得下” ，可是如果梦想能说放就放，那还称得上是梦想吗？

憎恨的是，心存后悔当初所留下的遗憾，走到了尽头还无法 ‘如愿以偿，梦想成真’ 。。。

如此小心的善意

善意，一个人的善心和好意到底能够维持多久？持续到什么程度？

现实。总是现实在惹祸，即使深信善有善报，也难逃一劫。对别人好，别人也应该会对你好。。。是吧？根据自身经历，这的确属实，但不完全。人，由始至终还是有他自私、不谅解的一面。

友善，似乎在这世间只不过成了他人的 ‘目标’ ，等待着被 ‘咬定’ 。帮助他人，却被反咬一口，还被用、被讲、被骂。帮助他人，何时变得如此的 ‘小心翼翼’ ？

。。。为什么？这世界擦也擦不掉的 ‘污点’ ，离完美的 ‘新世界’ 还很遥远吧？虽然如此，但美好的事依然存在，天天上演着。这证明了在这世界，快乐、希望以及梦幻梦想并非想象中的，遥不可及。

千夫所指

午餐送错地方了。

都怪我不好，误解了上级所下的指示，因而给予他人不正确的讯息。接踵而来的是同事连续的来电，他们都想搞清楚这起事件的来龙去脉，希望有个解释。当时的我正在执行公务，无法离开岗位，不然也不会麻烦别人把午餐运送到正确的地方。

动用了几个人力，真的是一袋一袋从 B2 扛到 L1 远处的角落头。幸好我的休息时间刚好到了，一离开岗位就立刻下去帮忙。

手上提着一袋，狼狈地到达地点之后，迎面而来的不是 ‘感激’ 而是 ‘千夫所指’ ！发泄不满情绪的是等待午餐多时的 ‘三姑六婆’ ，她们这群 ‘饿鬼’ 还把我当 “犯人” 似的不断 “审问” 我 “为什么这么慢？” 。

怎么好像犯了滔天大罪？所以，不管你做了什么好的事、对的事，别人是不会夸奖你的。因为他们认为这是你。该。做。的。

相反地，只要犯错，不管错有多渺小，在别人眼里你就是 ‘千古罪人’ ！

细节决定成败

有好多好多的事如果多花点心思，其实是可以做到更好的。

为何总是等到 ‘事败’ 的时候才来悔恨当初？如果当时的 ‘细节’ 有照料好，准备功夫又做足，再大的问题也只不过成了小小的阻碍，事情终究还是会圆满落幕。可想而知，成败在于 ‘细节’ 。

但 ‘细节’ 的完美，不是人人都看得见，想去管。就因为它即麻烦又费时。 ‘细节’ 并不属于任何人份内的工作，它真正需要的是 ‘自愿者’ 。但往往人的 ‘不在乎’ ，以及众多 ‘现实’ 的因素，久而久之竟孕育了 ‘力不从心’ ， ‘自愿者’ 也因此成了 ‘稀有品种’ 。拥有细腻的感官，他们都看见了。别人不放在眼里的东西，他们却都在乎。以大局为中心的他们在 ‘细节’ 上所花的心思远远超出个人的范围，也许不会受到肯定，但只要大局能成功，那正是自己的成就。

态度决定一切

态度恶劣的人，真的是遇过无数。

真不明白，也搞不懂。待人处世亲切点，要求不多，一点就好，很困难吗？又不会少块肉！非得一开金口 “锈口” 立即耍态度？

可悲。是为了展示自己的权威吗？把自身的不满发泄在别人的身上，践踏他人的自尊，真是可笑。

完了。就是因为有他们这种人，这世界才会变得如此的冷漠、不乐。

难受。因为彼此还得在岗位上相处一段时间，所以不想说穿了然后翻脸，结果往后的日子更难过。。。可是，不说，保持沉默，并不代表接受。有时，还真想好好地教训教训这些人，给他们点颜色瞧瞧。但就是有人不管别人怎样讲他骂他都无效用，偏偏想得罪所有人，死性不改，觉得继续耍态度很酷很好玩是吗？赐你一个字，恶心的恶！

难以想象，他们这副德性也有女朋友，这世界也未免太不公平了吧？！虽然这有点像在吃酸葡萄。。。但就是很不甘心嘛！

态度正面，做什么事都具备正能量，问题迎刃而解。

态度正面，给人印象良好，不会令他人感到反感。

态度，果真决定一切。

手下败将

‘不如意’ 和 ‘失望’ 像兄弟一般，联手让人尝尽世间痛苦。

无论身在何处，不管在做什么事，都逃不掉它们的魔掌。尤其已经做了那么多，眼看就快完成了，但在最后一刻因某种原因，或突如其来的因素，而最终宣告 ‘事败’ 。痛恨一切的当儿也问问自己：“为什么会这样？到底是为了什么？”

有时候明明小事一桩，却因 “人为因素” 而将事情闹大。好痛苦，好累。。。受到影响的情绪令人又烦又暴躁。。。然后很自然地，落下了泪。

哭，不代表脆弱。会哭，是因为坚持了太久。。。

对他人失望，对自己更加失望。。。

Twenty One

I had an early celebration for my 21st birthday.

No exciting party, no friends from around the country, it was just me and my family in our home sweet home. My safe haven.

Happy birthday, to me.

MPTS POP

A few days after my BMT POP, I received a notice to report to my new unit - Military Police (MP) Command.

Over the next couple of weeks, I was a basic course trainee at the Military Police Training School (MPTS) located at Mowbray Camp. It is a very stringent unit, where abiding by the rules and carry oneself in the most disciplined manner is the norm.

Surprisingly during that period, I also met Yeow Meng who was a trainee in the specialist course.

The training was mainly drills, and honestly they were very anal about this. We also did close-combat, policing lessons etc. Of course, we have live range as well. This time round, we used P226 pistol which was definitely lighter and less stressful for me. I had better accuracy, despite being a Bobo Shooter...

In the blink of an eye it is our POP.

Before the parade, in my No.3. I'm kinda shy to be honest, as my Mom and Dad will be watching me closely!

During the parade I marched a little too fast and had to take 2 steps back at the end, right infront of the audience! *facepalm* It was captured on a video that I saw on that day, but unfortunately I couldn't find it anymore.

Somehow I wasn't as elated as I thought I would be after graduation. A quote from one of our commanders, "the amount of joy you feel when you graduate reflects the amount of effort you put in during your training".

站在高处

这世界不是不公平，而是从来就没有公平过。

这世界不管怎么看，有高低之分才能有繁荣可言。人善，被人欺。残忍？不不，这是适者生存，这是生存之道，这就是人生。

人凭着一身钱财、经验，连说话的方式也跟着不同了。不知他们是否有意，竟然把自己抬得高高的，认为对方不如自己，然后贬低你、数落你，让你在众人面前输得一败涂地，颜面尽失。

是是，不是每个 ‘站在高处’ 的人都是这个样子。但说穿了，他们能够理解 ‘别人’ 所在受的苦吗？

走开！

茫茫人海中，好的不遇，却偏偏遇到这种极度令人反感的家伙。

他到底犯了什么错？或许对他人而言他并没有做了什么错事，只不过 ‘令人讨厌’ 这回事嘛，从来就不需要什么理由。不爽有讲究时辰吗？

我就是很讨厌你。

你令我感到厌恶。

就是这么简单。有他在，场面顿时 “超不自然” 、 “急冻” 、 做作 、 “舒服感面临零危机” 等等等等。这般 “功力” 已经不只单单的 ‘碍眼’ ，而是它的 “进阶版” — ‘眼中钉’ 。

‘眼中钉’ 的存在是不被允许的，要击垮他，然后将他除掉，越快消失越好。

有他，就没有我。

BMT POP

I was enlisted last year 4th of September, to the Physical Training Phase (PTP) batch. Why PTP? That's because I didn't attain at least a Silver grade in the physical test IPPT during Poly, hence landing myself an additional 2 months in the army to prepare my fitness for the upcoming Basic Military Training (BMT).

Yes, you read that right - 2 ADDITIONAL MONTHS! In total, 2 months of PTP + 2 months of mandatory BMT = 4 months at Tekong Island. I was welcomed by strict regiments from those siao on (over-enthusiastic, and demand others to follow suit) commanders who see punishing us as their favourite pastime, such as ordering over a hundred of us to knock it down (push-ups) inside a cramp auditorium with chairs that we are sitting on, and turn us out in the wee hours when we were sleeping simply to tekan (punish) us. With all these tekan sessions, countless knock it downs, physical trainings and route marches, and coming out even stronger than before, I guess we are not regarded as 'Man Made Machine' for nothing.

Though the trainings were tough, but when your buddies were going through the same thing with you and supporting each other, the pain is indeed somewhat lesser. I remember in my bunk there was a guy who was not seen after the first day of enlistment, resulting in an odd number of men in my bunk, hence one of my bunk mates have 2 buddies instead of 1.

During our stay in Tekong Island, we were each given a laptop for online lessons. However for me, I also use the laptop to watch the anime Sword Art Online with my buddy during our admin time.

We also did live range with our assault rifle SAR21. It wasn't a pleasant experience for me as I have to constantly wear an eyepatch to aid my aiming, but in any case I'm still considered as a 'Bobo Shooter'.

After a few weeks of acclimatisation, we underwent the infamous outfield training and test - Field Camp. On Day 1 of 5 the first thing we did when we arrive at the woods was to setup Basha tents for two. Shortly after we were off to a "great start", it rained pretty heavily and the tent me and my buddy built prove to be incapable of keeping us from getting drenched.

The next day, we are to dig our very own shell scrape and spend the night inside. Everyone was given a time to be on guard duty and when it was my turn, I heard someone shouted at the top of their voice and that woke me up. Yeah, I don't know when but I must have drifted off while on duty. My surrounding was still as the night, everyone else snoozing in their shell scrapes. There was no sign of anybody shouting...

With my section mates, looking our best in this state.

The following days we had to take Situation Test (SIT Test) in groups, with people from other platoons. Our performance was assessed by senior officers. During one of the missions, I was assigned to be the 2IC (Second-in-command) but guess what? I was such a sotong that instead of supporting my IC and give instructions to the man, I went to be on a lookout at one spot for possible enemies approach. The officer shouted for me and asked me why am I there? It was an embarrassing moment and I felt really stupid at that point of time.

After field camp for some reason I have huge craving for snacks like Kit Kat Chunkies, Twisties and Super Ring. Hence, I often bought few packs of them after every book-out and enjoy them over the weekend.

It was a gruelling 4 months but finally, I saw the light at the end of the tunnel! On the last week at Tekong Island, we are preparing for our long-awaited Passing-Out-Parade (POP). On the last night, we bid farewell to this island and embark on our last challenge through the night - 24km route march. It wasn't easy when you are carrying a heavy-ass field pack and SAR21. The route just seems endless, especially along East Coast Park. However, I was glad to have a fellow platoon mate who could keep talking and pushing me on.

Yes, families and friends have arrived to welcome us!

Finally, we reached our destination - the Marina Bay Floating Platform, where we are going to finish our parade as a whole.

Here is a video of the final segment in the parade. The act of throwing our jockey cap signify our graduation from BMT. Everyone was waiting for this moment. Immediately after we threw our caps sky-high, the chorus of the theme song from the movie "Ah Boys To Men" started playing in the background. It was a memorable and joyous moment, I have never felt so happy in my life! My platoon mate who was beside me the whole time hugged and lifted me off the ground!

There were 2 other videos in fact, one of which show our march-off and the other is our entrance without our SAR21. Yeah, we said goodbye to our BMT SAR21 backstage. As the file sizes were too big, I was unable to upload them to Blogger platform.

A shot of my company during the moment. I spotted myself!

With my mom.

With my brother.

With my dad.

With Ah Gu.

We soon leave the place and Ah Gu drove us to Vista Point to have breakfast. I had shredded chicken hor fun and wow, it has been a while since I had something so delicious!

So, what's next? After BMT, we were given a few days break before being assigned to our new units. The journey of my army life, is not over yet.